Changing of the Guards

I am a witness to three "changing of the guards" in the Papacy. Two of them happened in short successions that there were three Popes in 1978. Paul VI died that year, succeeded by John Paul I, who succumbed to a heart attack a little more than a month later, and was succeeded by John Paul II. Studying in a Catholic school, we were made aware of the whole process. We were given lectures and educational comic books on how someone ascends to become the Supreme Pontiff.

First-
When Pope Paul I (Albino Luciani), was elected, he initially refused to sit on the Sedia Gestatoria (portable Papal Throne) until he was convinced that the faithful were offered a better view of him if he were on it. He was also the first to refuse the pomp and ceremony of the millennium-old traditional crowning ceremony. He was the reluctant Pope, who disliked pomp and emphasized humility. He was a reformist who gave an indication that there would be a few changes in the Catholic Church, one of them being the Church's position on contraception. Alas, 33 days later he died of heart failure. The one that he predicted would succeed him, did. He called him "the foreigner". His name was John Paul II (Karol Wojtyla), the first non-Italian Pope in 455 years.

Second-
Right after he was named Pope, our Religion teacher inundated us with literature on Pope John Paul II. The church's PR machine wasted no time in letting the faithful know who their vicar was. We studied his life from his childhood in Poland to his ascent to the supreme position in the Catholic Church. I think it was also done to prepare the Filipino nation for the scheduled Papal visit in 1980. One of his first stops was a big park called Quezon City Circle, a couple of miles from where I lived. My family made our way there to hear the papal address. I remember being perched on my Dad's shoulder waving to the Pope on stage, several feet away. I liked to imagine then that when he waved right back, it was to me, and not to the sea of people that were all around me. I no longer go to the Catholic Church for my spiritual feeding and I may have some views that are quite different from the Pope's, but I still have a a fondness and respect for him.

Third-
As many mourn, they also wait in bated breath for that white smoke to come out of that chimney. It signifies the election of a new pope. Whoever it turns out to be will have his work cut out for him. Karol Wojtyla seems like a tough act to follow.

What's Up With That?

I don't understand this country. They fervently fight to make capital punishment for convicted criminals as painless and humane as possible, so they came up with lethal injection. However, they will let an upstanding person, whom they say are in a vegetative state (although this is still in argument) and can't feed and fend for herself, die of thirst and starvation.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/24/schiavo/index.html

http://www.terrisfight.net/

Without a written will, how can we be sure 'beyond reasonable doubt' that what she wanted was to be starved to death now that she is what society calls "useless"?

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Today is my Dad's birthday. According to his driver's license, he would have been seventy-two. He died of heart failure the day before New Year's eve in 2002.

To his friends and colleagues, he was this noted journalist and political analyst who was not afraid to voice his opinion on the current state of affairs in the Philippines. To me, he was Daddy, whose chest I loved resting on while he did his crossword puzzles in bed. I was Daddy's girl, at least until the day he left. I was only 12.

From then on, it was hard to reconcile the father I knew who was loving and gentle in every way (even in the way he disciplined us), to the man who chose to leave us rather than try to rebuild our family and cohabitate with another woman. I know now that relationships are complicated and rebuilding a marriage is easier said than done with two very imperfect people.

In my view, my father led a less-than-ideal life. After such a promising start, I don't think he ever lived up to his fullest potential due to the few poor choices he made during mid-life. Nevertheless, my father had qualities that I unconsciously honed in me throughout the years I was growing up. As I sought to forgive him bit by bit, the way he came through any conversations I had with him, whether pleasant or serious, made a deep impression on me. His patient and calm demeanor, his very gentle and affectionate ways, the respect he accorded, and the thoughtful and quiet way he would opine and inquire in conversations, never overbearing or pushy.

Dad was no saint, and I am not going to be dishonest and say that he was, just because he's passed on. There were many things that he did that disappointed us. But he is my father and I do love him, warts and all. No matter what mistakes he did, he's contributed largely to who and the way I am today. My brother told me once that I am like him in many ways. It made me smile. I liked hearing that. I really did.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Modern Chain Letters

I have come across chain letters since I was in grade school. I received a number of them from friends throughout my primary and secondary years in school. It would come in the form of a supposed prayer to a favorite saint who will readily grant you the first thing you wish for. There were conditions though. You had to copy that letter ten or twenty times and pass it on to friends. This seems like an easy enough task, but then personal computers did not exist back then. You had to handwrite everything, one by one. Also, it came with a curse. It stated that if you failed to do it, something bad will happen to you and/or your loved ones. It outlined many instances of people who supposedly had their wishes granted after complying, and tragedies that occurred to people who refused to believe in the letter. Gullible as I was, I remember suffering many 'handaches' then trying to make 20 copies and distribute them to prevent any bad luck for me and my family.

Today, I continually receive the modern, electronic versions of these pesky little letters. It is now made more annoying as those who forward it have unwittingly advertised your email address to spammers. We all should know by now that forwarded messages are the spammers' way to glean email addresses for marketing purposes. So not only do you get a curse on your head when you receive these things, your inbox gets crammed with junk email selling cheaper prescription drugs in Canada, porn site invitations, and worse, you can get a computer virus. There is also the more sinister 'phishing' emails that pose as a legitimate businesses trying to get your bank/credit card information. So you can actually put your friends and family in a bad situation if you do it!

So please, folks, think before you click on 'Forward'. Don't believe everything you receive. A lot of those emails are hoaxes, and you can check at www.snopes.com ! If you really feel it is something you must forward (really hilarious jokes or truly important information that can help), do the blind carbon copy option so everyone's email addresses are hidden.

"Huh? What the...?!"

That was the reaction of some people during my performance last Sunday. Right before the show's overture, I was quietly whispering the lyrics of my song to myself and then I got stuck. I was having a major brain fart. For the life of me, I could not remember one line. I panicked but could not do anything as I heard the opening notes. I thought that, surely, memory would kick in at the precise moment and take over. I had two numbers to go through before it got to my song and I couldn't stress about it, lest I ruin my other lines in the first two numbers. So I went through the first two numbers with as much chutzpah as the role called for, without a hitch. My song came next. It started out fine but in the middle of it, my mind went blank. In my panic, my mouth just threw out a line that matched with the melody. That's good, right? Well, not really. Because it wasn't my line but someone else's, and it totally threw off the next three lines I was singing. I did not let my expression waver one bit. I calmly switched to the right lyrics the first moment I could. The funny thing is, I had mistakenly sung two verses that were supposed to be sung later, so I had to sing it again at the right time. As I sang (and prayed), my mind tried to frantically paraphrase so the audience wouldn't go, "Hmmm, she said that already!". Boy, can our brains multi-task or what?! Anyway, let's just say I am not as good as Audie Gemora at making up lyrics on the spot. I tried but failed miserably. I just tried to dazzle the audience with my belting ability (naks naman!) so they would not notice. I think the hardest thing after that was keeping a straight face. I was furious at myself for having a gaffe like that. At the same time, I wanted to burst out laughing at the stupidity of what I had just uttered.

Oh, did I mention that there was a critic in the audience? Wunnerful. Just wunnerful.

I, Me, My and Myself

"I am the center of the universe and everyone else revolves around me."

This must be the daily mantra of some people. They live totally for themselves and take whatever they can get from people around them.

When in need, they do not hesitate to demand for help. Notice, I did not say "ask". They actually make you feel like you owe it to them. In contrast, when they are asked for any help or favor, they try every ruse to avoid extending themselves in any way. When all excuses are exhausted, they make you go through the wringer and a whole lecture before they grudgingly give in to any request, no matter if you are asking the favor on someone else's behalf. What's more, they make sure that the 'help' they extend is rubbed in and never forgotten. I guess it's very seldom that they do something for others that they think they deserve a ticker-tape parade when it happens. It amazes me how anyone can morph into that kind of human being. What kind of nurturing have they had for them to turn out so darn selfish?

No, I haven't had any recent incidents that I have to vent about it here now. I'm just stating an observation on behavior that I have witnessed a few times. It makes me wonder how a person can live that way. It must not be a very happy existence.

Fame and Notoriety

A few weeks back, Hubby and I were listening to the news as usual before we left for work. Two of the biggest figures of pop in the early 80's are once again hogging the music headlines. As a teenager in that decade, I was an avid listener to both Michael Jackson and Prince's music. Both were the most notable acts in their niche in pop. Michael Jackson kept a wholesome image despite his fame and gargantuan pop idol status, while Prince had a huge following and was notorious for his edgy and risqué music. Today, Prince, who is making quite a comeback and is the biggest moneymaker of the year, has shown a more mellow side, while Michael Jackson, the wholesome boy, has become this unrecognizable, seemingly androgynous creature that resembles a wax figure and is in the headlines because he has been slapped yet again with another child molestation suit.

Eventhough I loved his music, Prince used to scare me a bit. He seemed like this lascivious (based on the double entendres in his songs) deviant that was headed for the deep end. I guess it was some sort of a phase or maybe his media packaging because now, he is as normal as a pop artist can be in the volatile world that is showbusiness. Who would have thought that twenty years later it was going to be Michael Jackson who would turn freaky?

Applause and Woohoos

I guess I looked like death warmed over yesterday. I had missed work the previous day but came to work to meet some deadlines. My boss told me, "It's going to be slow tomorrow. I'm serious, why don't you take the day off and get well?" He said it again right before I went home. So today, I decided to stay home and rest, physically and mentally preparing myself for the shows this weekend starting tonight.

Last weekend's run went very well. We had our best show thus far on Saturday night. The high energy of the cast and the great enthusiasm of the audience made for a highly-charged evening. The cast gave their all, and the audience lapped it up. They were reacting to everything, and crying and laughing at all the right moments. It was also the night that most of my 'posse' came to watch, so I had an extra warm round of applause and a lot of 'woohoos' when my turn to bow came along. Among those in the audience were M's family, a former roommate, some friends from my office, M's officemates, and a couple of friends from Manila. My friend, Mia, who was part of the German cast of this same show, flew in. She claims to be my biggest fan (right...) and wanted to see me perform. It was also a chance for her to reminisce when she played 'Gigi', which is the same role I was doing. A lot of the cast members were aware that she was coming and were quite pleased to meet her. She really enjoyed the show, as did everyone else that I know who came. Of course, Mia and I stayed up talking until 3:30 am just dissecting the Gigi character and discussing the show. It was fun, at least for us. M fell asleep!

It was a really enjoyable weekend. For an artist, there's nothing like doing a good show and a bunch of people that you love watching you perform in it. It is very special moment.

...And We're Open!

Opening weekend went quite well. In fact, it was so much better than we had hoped for, in terms of attendance and feedback. We knew we had a good show but were unsure of how people would react to a minimalist staging of a big show. Even some of the critics were pretty wary at first, but we have gotten great reviews so far. The only comments that we have had were about a mic not working properly for one actor, and a piece of set that a reviewer thought was crucial to a scene.

The next show is on Thursday but there is a forecast for a snowstorm. If we are fortunate, the storm will not be that bad and the show will go on. After the encouraging response, all of us are raring to go back there on stage and improve on an already 'good' show!

Here's hoping for an even better weekend.

:)

Break A Leg!

Well, this is it, folks! My theatrical debut in the United States happens today. It is community theatre, but is similar in many ways to my experience in Philippine professional theatre. Of course, the main difference is budget. But this theatre group, no matter how small has not balked in taking on a huge show, and it has done everything it could within its limitations. All the actors receive is a small stipend, but personally, I consider the experience really worthwhile and valuable, especially in terms of the new friends I have made. There's nothing like a bunch of people working together to try and put out something beautiful, for the love of the art.

Two and a half months of hard work, braving winter weather to attend rehearsals until late at night culminates tonight. Our show opens at 8:00 pm and will run for the next six weekends. Yes, I am nervous, not for me necessarily, but for the whole show. I want it to turn out as best as a big show in a little theatre possibly could. Pray for us!

Break a leg!!!

A Nice Nor'easter Welcome!

Hubby and I really enjoyed our recent vacation. The fact that we got hit by a Nor'easter (a New England term for Blizzard) the moment we got back to Boston made us regret coming home even more. Over two feet of snow were dumped on us. It's like Mother Nature rubbing in reality and saying, "Welcome home, kiddos!" Looking out from your window after a blizzard is quite an experience as every single thing is covered in this nice, white, fluffy snow. It makes you want to go out and make snowangels and snowmen. Having to dig your way out afterwards, however, is not a pleasant experience. All this typical northeastern weather made us revisit our fresh San Francisco memories again and again.

Each time I go to San Francisco, it just affirms my predilection for it over any other city in the United States. We had a great time in the city and seeing the sites around it, as well. We did the usual, Union Square, Coit Tower, Lombard Street, Fisherman's Wharf/Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square. We had a nightcap at buzzling University Avenue in Palo Alto, dinner and coffee in Cupertino (Apple's headquarters) in South Bay, and walked through the streets on the coast of Sausalito. We went to Monterey to see its breathtaking shoreline along the 17-Mile Drive, all the way to Carmel-by-the-Sea. The seascape was made all the more captivating as it was lined with different rock formations and countless Cypress Trees. We even spotted a whale frolicking in the distant waters, spouting water high into the air from its blowhole. It's the kind of sight that makes you glad to be alive.

We also made sure we visited Muir Woods, a national monument where you can find California Redwoods and Sequoias. We wandered inside the forest preserve in awe as we saw huge redwoods that were as wide as we were tall. Some trees were so huge that you can camp in a hollow part of its trunk. There was a cluster of trees where they commemorated the creation of the United Nations, and even ones that dated back to the American Revolution. Just thinking about that made us feel so finite. These trees have been there hundreds of years before we were born, and will remain there long after we die. They have witnessed events that we only read about in books. They have gone through the changes this world constantly brings upon its inhabitants. I imagined the different generations of people that have walked under its branches, whether to camp, to forage and hunt, or to pass through on their way to some distant destination. And here we were in the new year of 2005, walking the same paths those people of old walked. What an indescribable feeling that is. Even nicer that I have the company of Hubby who shares the same appreciation for such things. I love traveling with him.

Uh-oh, the weather forecast predicts another snowstorm. Back to my cold reality!

My Very First Friend

Hubby and I arrived via the red-eye this morning from our little trek to San Francisco. We had been invited to a wedding and decided that we might was well turn it into a mini-vacation while we were there.

The wedding was that of my very first friend. We were playmates from when we were about two or three years old, as our families had moved to the same neighborhood at around the same time. We were inseparable! Our families were close as well and we went on vacations together a couple of times. We spent a lot of after-school hours and summers together playing indoor and outdoor games (patintero, taguan (hide-n-seek), chato, agawan-base), yakking, role-playing, doing things that ranged from the silly to the gross. Then when we were ten, our friendship, as we knew it, ended abruptly when her family moved away from the Philippines for good. Both of us were left in the dark about the move until after the fact. It left a deep disappointment in both our hearts that we never got to properly say goodbye. We remained quite close through letters until we were about fourteen. By then, I imagine that teenage life took over and left us both with no time to write. We lost touch. I had often wondered about her through the years but I had lost her address and I had moved. When the internet era dawned, I tried to search for her periodically but it never turned up anything solid. Around November 2003, it hit me that I should be looking her father up instead of her as there was no way that he would change his name. Besides, I thought that he was probably the sort of person who would be listed in the phone book. So I hit the anywho.com website and voila, there was the number. I made that phone call and it started a chain reaction that led me to my long lost friend. We practically picked up from where we left off and started talking almost every day online. We caught up on how our lives went from when we last saw each other, to sharing everything that was taking place in the present, including her engagement five months later, to the planning of the details of her wedding and honeymoon. It culminated in our physical reunion last Saturday, a little over a year after we started talking and twenty-five years after we last saw each other. My first sight was of her walking down the aisle with her dad, in all her bridal glory. Her face is as pretty as I remembered but gone was the little, scrawny body I knew. She filled her gorgeous gown beautifully and was every bit the picture of a radiant bride. Our tearful reunion came later on when she was done with all the formalities of the wedding ceremony, and we were in the less structured atmosphere of the wedding reception. Her hubby and mine hit it off as well, although they had heard of each other before, as my friend and I constantly exchanged stories and photos in the year that we were doing catch up. The wedding was beautiful and we had the greatest time. It was made even more memorable because of our special circumstances. We even got the chance to squeeze in a dinner with them before they hied off to their honeymoon in the Philippines and Japan.

To Vic and Dan, the very best wishes from M and I for an incredible honeymoon and a long life together of unending blessings.

More later on the rest of the vacation...stay tuned!

Attitude

Two years ago, I worked for a foremost and well-respected design company. It was part of my job to write, compile and send out a summary of our notable projects to international clients. In my research, I came across a project that one of our teams undertook for 2002. It was the design of the memorial for the headquarters of TJX (TJ Maxx) in memory of their seven employees that perished in the 9/11 attacks. The husband of one employee came upon a book that she was reading before her death. It was a book by Charles Swindoll, and his wife had bookmarked a particular page which contained a passage that she loved. It left such a deep impression on him that he decided to have it inscribed in her memorial. This is what it says:

ATTITUDE
by Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

I have read some books by Charles Swindoll and found his writings to be extremely inspiring. I never came across this particular piece of writing until then. The beauty and the truth of it struck me so hard that I transcribed it, and shared it to everyone I knew via email. It is something I try to remember every single day from the very first day I read it.

Now that 2005 is upon us, I reflect on it once again, praying that no matter what the year brings to me and my family, that we will continue to let these words, and the strength of our faith, translate freely into our lives.

A Dew On A Blade Of Grass

I'm still trying to take in the events that have happened in the past week in Asia. The Tsunami death toll of 116,000 is staggering and is still climbing. That's not counting the people who died or will die of the disease that breaks out because of the unsanitary conditions in the affected areas. I can only think of it as a modern-day "Black Death". Also called the Bubonic plague, its death toll was estimated to be over 23 million. It killed an average of 6,300 people per day as it swept from Asia into Europe in a span of a decade. The difference is, all this happened in a few hours.

I feel helpless as I watch the people in their heartbreak and loss. Their lives have been changed drastically in a moment, its effects remaining with them for a very long time. We, however, could go back to living the moment we switch off the television or step away from the computer.

It, along with my father's second death anniversary today, makes me think of my own mortality and of those whom I love. I read a quote about how life is like a morning dew perched on the tip of a blade of grass. It either falls off or dissipates in the heat of the morning sun. Indeed, life is short. We never know when our tsunami will come. And when it does, how much imprint did we leave in the hearts of the people we have encountered? How many of the things we did actually made a difference in our lives and of those around us? How many of the things we considered important really are, in the light of God and eternity?

Have a safe and happy New Year, everyone! This coming year, be kinder, hug tighter, love stronger and pray harder. Those are deeds we will never regret doing.

Bah Humbug?

The day after Thanksgiving, I usually have my Christmas shopping done and all my greeting cards mailed out. This year, I seem to have lost my steam. Working during the day and going to rehearsals at night has taken its toll and we are just too exhausted to do anything. We even decided against getting a tree. Just thinking about the energy we have to expend in putting it up, decorating it and then taking it down and disposing of it after the holiday season was just too much.

A couple of nights ago, late after rehearsals, I decided to decorate a pre-baked Gingerbread House, just to wind down and also get me into the spirit of the holidays. I also bought some scented pine cones to give the place that Christmas scent, in the absence of a real pine tree. It seems to be having some effect on me as gift-wrapping is now halfway, albeit half-heartedly, done. I have half a mind to just give the gifts in their boxes, as is. We're pretty excited to give them as they're pretty good gifts that will stand even without the gay wrapping. Why wrap them so they can be torn away a few hours later? Besides, what's important is the gift and not the wrapping, right? And ultimately it is said that what's more important is the thought.

I would be happy with just that actually. I really do appreciate it, and most of the time wished they remained as they are, at least when it comes to me. I loathe to think that people spend their hard-earned money for something that almost always just gathers dust in cupboards. Let's face it, a lot of us have everything we need and a lot of the gifts that we get are "icing". Since I don't care much for most "icing", I really wish people would put their money to better use, maybe donate it to a charity.

I know I'm sounding like an idealist again but sometimes I look at a particular thing that I see in a cabinet that was given to me, wonder how much it cost and think what that money could have done for a child who needed that amount to be able to purchase his school supplies, or a poor and sick person whose medical needs are not being completely met for lack of funds, or a family who cannot even enjoy a nice, decent meal together. Pushing aside all that stuff, one can also consider how that little amount can grow if you put it in a child's college savings account.

I just think that we have all fallen victim to the ploy that retailers have made the Holidays to be, one big commercial event designed to suck out everything that's in our wallets! How many families actually make it a ritual or tradition to sit down and commemorate the story behind the celebration of Christmas or the events that led to Hannukah? How many actually bow their heads together in gratitude for all the blessings that we have? How many of us make sure that we share with the less fortunate before we start celebrating?

I know I need to do more. And that's something I need to ponder as I try to finish my gift-wrapping.

Nice Earrings!

"Nice earrings!" exclaimed one guy as we were both getting off the train. I said "Thanks," and walked away trying my very best to hide my puzzled expression. No, my earrings weren't big at all. In fact, they were just your usual-sized diamond studs that a lot of women wear here. Either the 3 C's (cut, clarity & color) of my earrings really impressed him (right...) , or it was one of the funniest pick-up line I have ever heard. I guess I should be glad he didn't say "Nice blouse!" It comforts me that he was looking above my neckline - not that there's much to look at anyway. I called hubby at work after, to ask him what that was all about. He started chuckling and told me that he had overheard the guy telling me that as I left the train.

One time after work, I was walking out of my office building. This guy falls in step beside me and says, "Hi, Neighbor!" My first thought was this was certainly not Mr. Rogers as this was not his neighborhood. I turned to see this unfamiliar face. I smiled politely and asked, "Oh, we live near each other?" And he said, "No, I work in the building next to yours!" and gave me this huge smile. I almost burst out laughing but kept a cordial demeanor, found a way to excuse myself from the conversation and fall behind as we walked to the subway stop.

Another was, "¿Habla Español?" I said no. Still, I was subjected to a mostly one-sided conversation, in English, until I reached the subway stop. ¡Que Barbaridad!

If those pick-up lines were anything to go by, I am glad I am not a single person living in Boston. For a university town, you kind of expect people to have better lines than that!

A Real Trouper

Hubby's been such an extremely good sport. Before I joined this show I'm doing, I asked him if he would be willing to come with me to rehearsals so I would not have to travel alone. He readily agreed and said that it would be a great experience for me. He has made good on his word and accompanies me to every single rehearsal. He seems to be enjoying the process of the entire thing and seeing the show slowly take shape. I know that he is really tired sometimes after work, but he gamely goes with me still. He has not complained one bit considering our rehearsals are four times a week. He says he's quite happy acting as my personal assistant, i.e. carrying my bag and accompanying me home, and takes pleasure in seeing me do what I love. What a sweetheart he is! And no, he's by no means a stage husband as he never interferes or makes demands. It's such a blessing to have someone who is secure with himself and not feel 'upstaged' at all by anything I do. I have seen relationships suffer and break because the partner is insecure and does not understand an artist's life or is threatened by it. Those of you who know me personally know exactly what I mean!

;)

Hubby accepts and loves me for who I am, morning look or not. He delights in my silly and weird ways, and takes pride in that. I know he'll be quite embarrassed when he reads this. But this is one small way I can show him that I am thankful I have him in my life.

:)

Oh, To Scratch An Itch!

Last night, I had a blast! It had been so long since I last sat down in a room full of talented singers as we figured out the melodies and treatment for the musical we are doing. Maybe few will understand it, but to someone like me, sitting there and hearing all these beautiful voices piping in on their cue, with the music director pounding on the piano keys is sheer pleasure. Some may not realize how much work goes into staging a musical. Months of working out the music, the harmony, the choreography and the nuances that go with the role you play as actors spend time together and play off each other. The journey to the finished product is long and difficult, but the experience and memories gained are inestimable.

You know how when you finally scratch an itch that's been bugging you? I have felt that itch for a long time but done other things to dull it. Last night, after five long years, I have finally started to scratch it. At least that's how it felt for me.

:)

Boiling Over

It finally won. The mild cold that I've been fighting for a couple of weeks has overcome my system and I officially have a very bad cold. The worse thing is, everytime I get a bad cold, it's like my system goes on overdrive and goes wild churning out histamines to fight off anything that it thinks might be an enemy. Thus, I get the double-whammy, cold and allergy. That, plus hormones that are going crazy and you get one tangled mess of female nerves.

Today at work, it boiled over and I found myself sobbing over something I would normally shrug off. I surprised even myself at how weepy I was over something that I usually shake off like water off a duck's back. I made a conscious effort to pull myself together. I called Hubby to help me do just that and he had me chuckling with him after a few minutes.

I used to think that PMS was a very convenient way for women to act like brats and bi-atches. I do not suffer from extreme moodswings too often. I consider myself fortunate. I'm sure hubby feels the same way too!

Getting My Feet Wet

A local theatre group was auditioning for their next musical slated for February. So I decided to swallow all the fear and apprehension I have had, snap out of my lazy stupor and 'get my feet wet' in the New England theatre scene. I could not make the regular audition as I was on a trip to Florida so I inquired about doing a late audition. They asked me to send in my photo and resumé and I was informed that if they failed to cast the roles during the first set of auditions, they would give me a call. On my last day in Florida, I got a call from the show's Director and she invited me to audition the following Tuesday.

Tuesday came and I was wired. I was also a bit feverish and it was probably due to the cold I had been fighting. Either that or, it was my fear manifesting itself. It's been years since I set foot in a theatre to do a vocal and dance audition. I didn't know if I still had it in me. I decided to toss all those feelings heavenward and just go. I am always in the opinion that things will always turn out as they should when you leave it in God's hands. What matters is I do my best with what I had been given at that moment.

Hubby and I arrived at the place and found it to be a charming little 200-seat playhouse that resembled a small lodge. It was very cozy and intimate and we immediately felt comfortable. I filled out a form and did the vocal auditions not long after. I was asked to sing my two audition songs and a song from the show itself. I could see by the look on Hubby's face that I was doing well despite my cold and lack of practice. We were then asked to move to the theatre proper to do the dance audition. The butterflies in my stomach started dancing long before I did and I tried to work them off by doing warm-ups. My muscles were as stiff as a starched dress shirt. Not only did I think that I was rusty in this area, I thought my jazz skills were pretty corroded. Having to memorize eight 8's of a dance routine in a snap is something I haven't done in a long while. Thank God that the Dance Captain was so nice and patient. By some miracle, I managed to pull it off. Again, the huge smile Hubby was giving me told me that it went well. M has never seen me do a dance audition and he admitted to being pleasantly surprised at what he saw. He's never seen me dance except in a goofy way or when I'm aping someone who can't dance. Yes, we've hit the dance floor in some parties, but that really can't be used as an indication at all.

Before we left the theatre, I was formally invited to join the cast. I was thrilled! M and I discussed it overnight and I accepted the next day. 'Getting my feet wet' during winter might not be the best idea but I have put this off long enough. It's definitely going to be a gruelling four months but very well worth the experience, I'm sure. I just pray for a mild winter season!