The Art of Verbal Fart

To fart is to to expel intestinal gas from the anus. It serves no other purpose but to force out something the body does not need. It does not benefit anyone other than the one that does it. Being in the presence of someone who just dealt it can be a disagreeable experience.

I have the same reaction when I am forced to listen to a verbal fart, which is what I call it when someone is full of hot air and spews it like lava out of their mouths, with no other real purpose but to brag or listen to themselves talk. I guess they like the sound of their own voice and verbalizing their every thought process affirms their self-esteem. What's sad is, they are not even aware that what they are actually displaying is their immaturity, ignorance and insecurity. Sometimes I find it amusing and just laugh it off, and at other times find it really sad that nobody cares enough to tell them how they actually come across to other people.

Don't get me wrong. I've been guilty of verbal farts, especially retaliatory ones, and I've berated myself for showing such a lack of wisdom. But there are people who have mastered the 'Art of Verbal Fart'. It has taught me to be really careful that nothing I do resembles that.

We have one such person at work. Even before his mouth opens, his whole demeanor bespeaks arrogance. His verbal fartings are endless. He grabs every opportunity to give advice or opinion even if it is not sought, and displays his supposedly superior knowledge as an HBS graduate. He always lets everyone know how busy he is and will emphasize that at some periods of the day by just complaining loudly or screaming from his office. He makes it a point to stop by my office to whine to me and anyone that can hear in the hallway about his present crisis. The funny thing is, he's such a small fry compared to the others in the office. The big players do their work quietly and get a lot of things done, whereas Small Fry here parades everything he does with as much drama as he can. If you give him a moment, he will stand in front of you with arms akimbo, blocking all other view, and will launch into a lecture of the world according to him. Sometimes I just refuse to acknowledge his presence when he stops by and I don't even turn from my computer. I can't waste my time being a willing audience to his theatrics all the time. He reminds of those tiny dogs who noisily bark and growl for show but jump a mile high the moment you stomp your foot.

Letting a verbal fart rip, as with an actual one, evokes two kinds of reactions. If you're in a great mood, you find it amusing and comical. On a bad day, it can be extremely irritating. Today, he just broke too much verbal wind that the air has become polluted and unbearable. It's nauseating!