Am I Unpatriotic?

When I was still living in Manila, I always wondered why Filipinos would want to live anywhere else. It puzzled me why some of my friends chose to migrate. They had a good life and most of them had carved out a niche for themselves in their respective fields. I always used to say, "Why be a second-class citizen somewhere else when you're first-rate here?" I had high hopes for the Philippines. The economy seemed to be improving despite the prevalence still of graft and corruption, a legacy of the Marcos era. However, along with a growing number of people who continually made a stand, I refused to pay bribes to get around red tape and would do things the legal (and difficult) way willingly, if need be, to try and effect some change. I thought it was just a matter of time before it caught on and things improved.

Then an action star got elected President. Picture Vin Diesel winning the Presidency, only older, fatter, ugly and way less smarter. Not only that, he was corrupt, through and through. The way he ran his mayorship of a small town and his Vice Presidency proved that. When he announced that he was vying for the top seat in the land, I swore to myself that if he won, I would leave the country. I figured if someone like that won, then it made my countrymen no more than a bunch of star-struck groupies or worse, they were paid to vote or support him. Nobody in their right mind could actually believe that an action star, who didn't finish high school, can continue the decade of growth in a country that was just rising out of a 21-year plunder by a dictator and his muse.

I think God must have heard my prayer, because the month of that man's swearing in as President, I got an offer to work in the United States. I accepted. I was so disillusioned and disgruntled. I figured I'd give myself a break and try out living somewhere else, just to get away from the crazy situation that is my country. I knew it would take time for me to adjust since I was going to be completely on my own -- no family, friends, no established ties, no network, and no household help! To my surpise, I fared well. Despite missing the artistic side of my existence back home, I was glad to have a set schedule and loved being at home by nightfall. Even doing house chores which I dreaded, wasn't that bad. I found myself really relaxed despite what everyone says, that life in Manila is a picnic compared to the hard, cold life in the US. I asked myself why. I came to the conclusion that I had lived with pollution, horrendous traffic, crazy drivers, corrupt government employees and officials, etc. for so long that I had schooled myself to accept it as part of life. Living away from it though, made me realize how deeply it really bothered and burdened me.

I have now been away for six years. I believe the election of Mr. Action Star sent the Philippines on a downward spiral it hasn't recovered from since. Hearing and reading about the present Philippine political climate and all the bickering and accusations flying around, the gambling lords, the pollution, the possible economic implosion and the crime rate in the urban areas, I don't think I can handle living there again. There are so many things that I love and miss about my beautiful country. It's just so sad that it's run so badly by politicians who mostly think of self-gain. My dreams of retiring there doesn't seem to be an option. It is my homeland but unless things change drastically, I really doubt it will ever be my home again.