Cobwebs In My Mind

On my way to work this morning in the elevator, I looked up at the elevator screen Captivate network just for the latest news and tidbits. The one-liner that I chewed on long after was, "Chronic pain hampers our memory-making process." It was a sort of a confirmation of what I've been thinking happened to me in my 20s.

My 20s were the busiest, and most turbulent, times of my life. A crazy schedule because of two careers, different gigs and a marriage on the rocks made it all a blur. At that time, I went around feeling like a had 300 lbs. of ACME steel (the kind Wile E. Coyote always tried to use on the Roadrunner) sitting on my chest because of what was happening to my marriage then. Emotional pain was a constant companion, but I somehow managed to function, keep myself busy and find solace and joy in God, my dear friends and work. I remember the highlights and the worst moments, for sure - but everything else seems to have gathered cobwebs in my mind until someone manages to clear it off.

Mom: "I heard from you cousin, V. She and her husband now have a little girl."
Me: "She got married!? When!?"
Mom: "What are you talking about? You sang at her wedding!"
Me: "I did?!"

And I really could not remember a thing even when I saw the evidence - a photo of the beaming bride with me smiling beside her. I have had similar conversations with my friends when I had to dig very deep in order to remember. I assure you, I was not on any mood-altering drug then or at any time - no valium, no Prozac.

I guess the energy my body poured into keeping my state of mind on an even keel then didn't leave much for my memory-making process. I'm not certain it's working that well now, but I think age is to blame this time.