I know of this young, twenty-something girl who's having an affair with a married man. The man, supposedly going through a rough patch in his marriage and is 'temporarily' separated, has sought solace in the arms of this naive, young virgin. Of course, she only knows what he's told her as they see each other in secret - and since they have no mutual friends to verify anything he's said, she's taken his word as gospel.
She considers herself bound to him just because she lost "it" to him. I basically told her that falling for the wrong guy is not that uncommon because it's something from which we can glean great lessons and move on, and that she deserves a man who can commit himself fully only to her. As expected, it was not received too well. Another person egged her on by saying that we all make mistakes and learn from them - but that she's young only once and should to live it up and enjoy.
The affair itself did not shock me. We are all human and do make mistakes in different ways, but that advice did. How can someone give that kind of counsel? Live it up and enjoy? Enjoy...for how long? What and how much will one do for momentary enjoyment? Broken families, wrecked homes, unplanned pregnancy, hurt children growing up with philandering parents who continue the cycle and do it to their own spouse and children, etc.? Is all that worth someone's temporary pleasure?
It sometimes takes one foolish choice to trigger events and set our lives to a certain path, as well as affect others' irrevocably.
No matter how crazy our lives and choices become, deep down in our guts, we know what's right. I have no problems with foolish acts. After all, we all have our share of them. I do, however, have a problem with foolish advice.
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9 comments:
That is some "naive" girl. Well, "stupid" seems to be more appropriate. She's in her 20s! So what if she lost "it" to that guy? These days, virginity doesn't mean a thing anymore. How can she afford to be old fashioned about that and be okay with breaking a timeless social rule by having an affair with a married guy?
And the one who egged her on is equally stupid. Youth only comes once. It's no excuse to make stupid decisions that you can avoid. Especially decisions that have repercussions that will affect other people.
these people who give foolish advice needs to realize that yes we do need to live our lives but we also need to be aware of the responsibilities and think about other people's feelings. justifying an action that is clearly abominable by saying "eh you're only young once" is a sign that said person is not ready to face the real world.
I think it's this MTV/Paris Hilton/"all about me" generation. Just seeing what is glorified on TV, music videos and tabloids these days scares the heck out of me.
Hey Pia, how are you doing?
This situation is so common. I feel so sorry for people that get into this situations and forget such things as integrity of self. Re the advice: people take the advice they want to hear.
I hope she finds her way and that the guy is a really stellar guy whos in the process of divorce or something. :)
Here's to hoping.
I second Tintin's comment re people taking the advice they want to hear...
Sana naman ma-correct pa before it's too late...
Hi Tin - I hope with you although from what I know, the guy doesn't even really want to commit to her nor talk about their future. He did give her a lot of attention though, more than his own family when he and his wife supposedly separated to think things out. Now she says his attention is waning and is not the same.
Hey Linnor - Sana nga, in all aspects. I've seen this happen before to a friend - a virgin who was expertly played by a married man who supposedly wasn't "happy" and separating. It turned out untrue and she even ended up with VD. It was horrible going through that with her.
These stories reminds me of my dearly good friend who got frustrated in her life and did something stupid, she gave in and gave up her v….. to a man who is married. She said that “I’m old enough to choose what right from wrong.” I feel so bad about what she did but I never hated her after all she's my friend and as what you’ve said yes, we made all mistake, we have freedom of choices to choose what is right but we are all accountable for our actions. It’s sad but what else could I say-sigh!
one day, a friend told me that she wanted to tell me something but is not ready yet to tell me. afraid that what she will tell me might affect how i regarded her, i told her not to bother telling me about the details. but with a suspicion that she's nurturing an illicit affair, i remembered telling her that she must not forget that in everything she does, think of the people that could be affected, hurt or trampled. that way, she would never get lost.
sometimes, there is really a thin line between love and lust. young women always fall prey to these monsters who like to ravage their innocence and inexperience.
some people are too nonchalant to care, too, that even the insensible advices are thought of as gems.
Hmmm...
I don't know much about the whole situation other than what was written here, buuuut what if we looked at that piece of advice in a slightly different way.
You mentioned that the guy doesn't want to commit to her and doesn't want to talk about their future. And... By letting the relationship happen, it looks as though she has resolved herself to whatever moral and ethical dilemmas there are within having an affair with a married man. That is, as you mentioned, she doesn't really know what is truly going on with the wife, if he has kids, or what is really going on in their relationship. Since she is being shielded from all of that, she can only make decisions based on what she DOES know, and what is in front of her.
Perhaps what the person meant when he gave his advice is that the relationship will obviously NOT last forever, and that it will basically amount to a mere learning experience for her. Sooo, instead of wishing or hoping of some future with this man, she should simply enjoy it and have fun.
Call me crazy, but the advice doesn't sound very apalling to me, IF she has truly reconciled her feelings with the moral and ethical dilemmas of the affair. I feel like the person giving advice is merely letting her know that she should make the most out of what she does know. And since it will become a learning experience anyway, she should try and have fun and make it an interesting learning experience.
Of course, this is not to say that I agree with what she is doing. I'm just saying this is her life, and having this affair is the decision she has made thus far, so the person giving advice is basing it on the current situation as it is.
From the sound of these comments, though, I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with me, so it's probably good that I'm posting this comment late in the game. ha ha ha. I'm just now catching up on your blog! By the way, you should set up an RSS feed (it's easy enough to do in Blogger). You have a lot of readers, and I think they would greatly benefit.
Hope all is well with you!
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