His, Hers & Theirs: Our Family

Ours was never the regular family. We were pretty modern by the standards of Philippine society at that time. Even as a young child, I knew our family was different from a lot of the others. Why? My parents have the "His", "Hers" and "Theirs" --- kids, that is. That was unusual. Both parents were married before and had children with their first spouses. But even if the fact is that 3 of my 5 brothers are half-brothers, I never thought of them as such. I never used "His", "Hers" and "Theirs" as a description, unless we needed to get absolutely technical about the whole thing. I was never fazed by it. I actually liked the fact that we were not like the other families. And despite our differences, we really valued each other. It taught me early on that my self-esteem did not depend on conforming and being like everyone else. It opened my mind to possibilities outside what our hypocritical society dictated.

Our parents were really practical in their approach with us too. We weren't brought up on superstitions, "moo-moo", folk beliefs, Santa Claus, tooth fairies, etc. -- those were things we picked up from our nannies and some friends. If we asked our parents about it, they did not hesitate to tell us the truth. They never used those things to scare or manipulate us into doing things. Those were done by our maids! "The moo-moo will get you if you don't..." I guess our parents believed that respect should be your only motivation in doing something, and asking others to do something for you.

Our fights were settled in the same manner. Each child got their chance to be heard in our parents' "court", and judgement was passed. If we were deemed to be at fault, we had to take our punishment without any complaints, or risked being punished even further. The one at fault HAD to apologize specifically for what they did wrong. Any retaliation was not treated lightly. Excuses and rationalizations weren't tolerated. In fact, we risked getting even more punishment if we resorted to it. That formula seemed to work with us because by a certain age, there were no bickerings and petty fights anymore. If we had conflict, we discussed it openly and tried to resolve it. If we couldn't, we just agreed to disagree and closed the topic unless we agreed to bring it up again.

In the short time that my parents were together, I think they did a pretty darn good job of parenting. We thrived in the way they disciplined us, and we loved and respected them for it. Too bad, it didn't last forever. And even then, we were told the truth with no sugar-coating. I appreciated that, because it gave me a chance to come to terms with the truth, the truth that life is imperfect. Be it as a victim of circumstance or a consequence of a stupid thing I did, I have to deal with life's difficulties as they come along.

My parents' time together was short, but the lessons they have taught linger. I hope to learn by their great example, as well as by their monumental mistakes. They never pretended to be perfect nor demanded perfection from us. The sincerity and strength they showed through their human frailty is the example I will always carry with me.