It is funny that just a couple of weeks after I wrote a blog about hate, I came across an article featuring a psychiatrist and his opinions about current events in Manila. He was an object of hatred of mine for sometime. It was almost like God reminding me to test my heart whether I still harbored those ill feelings. And yes, I felt a shadow of my old rage at first but it slowly dissipated as I thought of how God used those years to patiently and lovingly work things out in my heart and make me who I am today.
I still shook my head at the very sad fact that this person ,who crossed professional boundaries and helped destroy my family, is now sought after for his "valued" counsel by the media. I once considered legal action against this man to strip him of his license to prevent him from hurting any more people. I had evidence, too - records I kept of goings-on, witnesses who were ready to corroborate and tell the truth, his own fellow counselors who had sanctioned him, notes he had written encouraging someone to harrass other people through text message and phone calls, etc. A friend of mine still holds it all in safekeeping back home. However, with the legal system being the way it is in the Philippines, I felt it would prevent me from moving on. It would be costly, too and it's not like he had anything then that I could sue him for. He was nobody and had nothing. I had wasted years being manipulated and hurt by this person that to go through a legal process that would take more years would just prolong a very unpleasant episode in my life. I felt that what remained of my life was just too precious to waste. Lucky him. :)
My hope is that all those years between our incident and this present time, he has sought healing for himself and his own deep psychological problems - that he has found his own answers which is what, in fact, drove him to psychiatry according to him. I hope that all that took place before he became visible in the media because if not, then he has a loftier place to fall from when his own problem rears its ugly head again.
In my life, God had turned what someone meant for evil, their own very selfish gain, into good. That's the reason why when the grudge comes unbidden into my heart, I find it hard to hold on to for more than several minutes. I quickly realize that if God has forgiven my own sins and restored me, how dare I begrudge someone else that? I like where I am right now!
God deals with us all in His perfect time so I leave that in His hands. In the meantime, I'll work with my God for all my own issues.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A Time To Hate
It's hard to hate. No, let me rephrase that. It's very easy to hate, but extremely exhausting. It zaps all our energy and turns us into a person we don't like. It takes over our soul until we eventually turn into the very person we hate, or worse.
We may all enjoy a little hating here and there, to an extent. Schadenfreude, I guess. Anyone who says they have never experienced Schadenfreude has to take an honest look at their hearts. At times, we take pleasure in someone's misfortune when we feel they have it coming. But that can turn ugly, and I don't mean just for the object of our hate, but also for us.
Is it worth it? Some will say yes, and for a time it may seem so. Revenge is sweet on the surface but it can turn sour eventually, and even deadly in some cases. I think the reason why God tells us to leave it to Him, is because we don't see the damage it does to our psyche, whereas He does. He encourages us to seek, pray and cry for justice to Him and I guess through the proper earthly channels. He will deal with it with a timing that is perfect - whether it be in a visible manner or not. People have often called it poetic justice, I call it God's justice.
Truth has a funny way of rearing its head even when people do their best to hide it. Maybe it won't be in the swift manner that we want, but it will. Proverbs says fools get trapped in the snare that they themselves have set up. I've witnessed that happen. They don't need our help, they will do it to themselves, one way or another.
One very good reason to try not to focus on the hatred we feel is that we will miss the other opportunities for happiness that are there because of our seething and devising. A classic example is a person I know who turns off men that she meets because she habitually spews out vitriol, through opinions and jokes about men. She thinks it's funny but it scares them off. There are times she exhausts even me, when I have to listen to her rant and rage. It is sad to witness her continually ruin her own chance at future happiness because she refuses to let go of the past.
Yes, there's a time to hate but we should try to keep it as short as we possibly can, for our own sake. We do ourselves a huge favor when we finally choose to let it go. Holding on to hatred is like trying to hold fire. It will eventually burn and consume us and those that we love, if we hold on to it too long.
We may all enjoy a little hating here and there, to an extent. Schadenfreude, I guess. Anyone who says they have never experienced Schadenfreude has to take an honest look at their hearts. At times, we take pleasure in someone's misfortune when we feel they have it coming. But that can turn ugly, and I don't mean just for the object of our hate, but also for us.
Is it worth it? Some will say yes, and for a time it may seem so. Revenge is sweet on the surface but it can turn sour eventually, and even deadly in some cases. I think the reason why God tells us to leave it to Him, is because we don't see the damage it does to our psyche, whereas He does. He encourages us to seek, pray and cry for justice to Him and I guess through the proper earthly channels. He will deal with it with a timing that is perfect - whether it be in a visible manner or not. People have often called it poetic justice, I call it God's justice.
Truth has a funny way of rearing its head even when people do their best to hide it. Maybe it won't be in the swift manner that we want, but it will. Proverbs says fools get trapped in the snare that they themselves have set up. I've witnessed that happen. They don't need our help, they will do it to themselves, one way or another.
One very good reason to try not to focus on the hatred we feel is that we will miss the other opportunities for happiness that are there because of our seething and devising. A classic example is a person I know who turns off men that she meets because she habitually spews out vitriol, through opinions and jokes about men. She thinks it's funny but it scares them off. There are times she exhausts even me, when I have to listen to her rant and rage. It is sad to witness her continually ruin her own chance at future happiness because she refuses to let go of the past.
Yes, there's a time to hate but we should try to keep it as short as we possibly can, for our own sake. We do ourselves a huge favor when we finally choose to let it go. Holding on to hatred is like trying to hold fire. It will eventually burn and consume us and those that we love, if we hold on to it too long.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
On Cruise Mode
I sit at my desk tonight pondering - a million thoughts go through my head but nothing sticks. I begin with a thought but cannot process it thoroughly. Such has been the state of my mind the past three months. There are so many things I want to express but I can't seem to have the energy to work them all out in my mind. This morning when Hubby and I were having our usual discussion over brunch, I found it very hard to verbalize a point. I know how I felt about a particular topic we were chewing on, but I just could not put it into words. I struggled and gave up. I just said that maybe I haven't really thought about it hard enough.
Come to think of it, I haven't had the time to really delve into my thoughts lately. That's the reason why my blogs of late have been more about events rather than thoughts and opinions. I've been so busy just trying to get by on my schedule that I haven't had that much time to just sit down and ruminate. And when I try, my body tells me I'm too tired. And believe it or not, that is just what it's doing right now.
I miss being able to just sit and have the words flow out. My quiet times are so much richer when my mind is more eloquent. One day, it will hopefully come back, but for now I'm leaving this as is. I need to go get some rest.
Come to think of it, I haven't had the time to really delve into my thoughts lately. That's the reason why my blogs of late have been more about events rather than thoughts and opinions. I've been so busy just trying to get by on my schedule that I haven't had that much time to just sit down and ruminate. And when I try, my body tells me I'm too tired. And believe it or not, that is just what it's doing right now.
I miss being able to just sit and have the words flow out. My quiet times are so much richer when my mind is more eloquent. One day, it will hopefully come back, but for now I'm leaving this as is. I need to go get some rest.
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